There are some phone calls you dread. There's the one from your mad ex-girlfriend saying she's pregnant and your first child-support cheque is due next month. There's the one from your accountant reminding you stocks can go down as well as up, and guess which kind all your money was in? There's the one from your lawyer saying - well, my lawyer says I can't talk about that.
But then there are the phone calls you look forward to. For me, it's the call from the Mail On Sunday to let me know what motor I'm testing this week. It's a bit like sticking your hand in a tin of Quality Street, knowing that they're all pretty tasty (except the purple ones) but hoping you'll come out with your favourite.
James Martin and the Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG Black series
This is the most powerful road car Mercedes has ever produced: a 6.0-litre SL totally remade by its performance-tuning department AMG
I've had nice Fords, Vauxhalls, Citroens and even Volvos, but there's one car I've been looking forward to ever since it was announced. A car so special that it makes me want to sit at home like a puppy in the window, getting the glass all slobbery as I wait for its arrival.
A car so rare that only eight are being sold in this country and 350 worldwide, each with a £250,000 price tag. And if it's a choice between a house and a Mercedes SL 65 AMG Black Series, I know where I'm sleeping.
Let me whet your appetite: 670 horsepower (about four times the national average); 0-124mph in 11 seconds (most family cars take longer than that to reach 60); top speed limited to 200mph.
This is the most powerful road car Mercedes has ever produced: a 6.0-litre SL totally remade by its performance-tuning department AMG. It's like when Steve Austin crashed his spaceship and was rebuilt with a robot arm, eye and legs. Quite a lot like that, actually, since only Nasa used to own this much carbon fibre. It's everywhere - the petrol cap is made of it, as are the seats, roof, front wings, bonnet, boot lid and rear diffusers.
The Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG Black Series
The rear spolier
The result? Sky-high costs - a £95,000 premium over the existing SL 65 AMG - but performance and looks straight out of a superhero comic.
Everywhere you look at this thing there are aggressive angles: its long bonnet broken up by scoops and intakes, wheel arches madly bulging to house its widened track, the carbon front spoiler hugging the ground, the automatic rear spoiler carving the air like an aileron... it's more stealth fighter than motor car. I've never seen anything so mean. Inside, though, it's something of a disappointment.
For me, a car like this should make you want to stay inside the cabin long after the engine has cooled down, especially if you've shelled out £95,000 more than your neighbour. But no. The seats may be carbon, but they're nothing like as well upholstered as those in the Aston DBS or Lamborghini Gallardo.
At least the rest of the cabin matches, I suppose. Things like an upside-down starter button don't help much. The DBS was styled all the way through the car, right down to the gear stick, but the Black Series is all about shaving 250kg off the weight, not looking pretty.
The Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG Black Series
Carbon fibre bucket seats
But enough of my moaning. I only had this car for 36 hours, as Merc didn't want to let its baby out of sight for too long, and I'd been told to do no more than 250 miles. So London it was. That's the true test of any motor, anyway. Mercedes says this is a track-day car that's road legal, so I wanted see how it handled the average two-hour British commute.
The Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG Black series
Centre console with sat-nav and climate controls
The twisty roads between my house and the M3 are normally where a sports car shows off. So a 200mph beast like this... actually, is not as much fun. There's no manual option and the automatic gearbox is slow (compared to a Ferrari's F1-fast gearshifts), but the main problem is the all-or-nothing acceleration - 300Nm is considered a lot of torque in a car; this creates 1,000Nm.
Stick your foot down and the thrust lands like artillery rounds leaving you wheelspinning and sliding all over the shop if you're not careful. I usually cackle at the rabbits diving for the hedges in panic, but this time I felt as scared as them.
On the motorway it's another story. This is the ultimate overtaker. The Merc cruises along quietly and smoothly until you make your move and then, even if you're already doing 65mph, it almost instantly tries to double its speed. It could treble it if you stayed on the gas. That's a huge thrill, more like being in a rocket than motoring, but it's also a quick way to be cuffed and bent over the bonnet of a Day-Glo Volvo.
One good thing I found was that the Black Series looks so mean and dangerous, cars scatter out of your way just like those pesky rabbits.
I hit London in record time but was then faced with the enemy of the Black Series: those pesky speed bumps. Each one had me holding my breath, waiting for the death-crunch of ten grand's worth of carbon front spoiler - and though it never came, I'm glad I cut my speed.
With rock-hard racing suspension (coils, not air) every bump, dent and manhole cover in the road is transmitted directly to your tailbone, which is a pretty good reminder that you're looking after a £250,000 car.
More from James Martin...
* Lotus's great white hope: Their most exciting model since 1996's Elise 01/04/09
* The Alfa Romeo MiTo: Classy and fiery - an Italian that will turn your head 24/03/09
* Why the Qashqai +2 is Nissan's cash cow 18/03/09
* Why the Toyota iQ is the cleverest choice in the city 10/03/09
* The new Volkswagen Golf will send club members racing even higher 24/02/09
* The elegant Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupé that's keeping the cool in Britannia 17/02/09
* The Vauxhall Insignia delivers hassle-free commuting with a sports edge 11/02/09
* The BMW 730d SE packs more gadgets than the starship Enterprise 03/02/09
* VIEW FULL ARCHIVE
Once in the city, the lax automatic gearbox suddenly made sense. Cruising through Chelsea was surprisingly refined for something that can practically break the sound barrier.
I returned home with the front intact and 246 miles on the clock and sat in my drive for a bit before they came to take it away. A quarter of a million pounds, I was thinking. Is it worth it?
Part of me says it must be, since it's £100,000 less than the Mercedes-McLaren SLR Roadster, which I loved - and this is a lot more powerful. But another part of me says no. Most of what this thing can do, you can't really use. Not on the public roads. Not even on the average race track. You'd need a banked speedway to make the most of its insane power.
I think I've finally found a car that's too extreme even for me. This is a job for Superman.
The Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG Black Series
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